Me “Mom just left me in the car with two ping pong balls. I don’t get it.” Lydia “When I put Happy in her cage, I put two chew toys in it. I get it.”
ball so hard
Grant I just realized that when people talk about celebrities blowing money, or blowing money on drugs, it works because they are probably doing a lot of coke. Might be a bit of a reach. Me Das y dey call it BLOW mah nigga Me What’s DRUGZ mah DELLUHH Me Oh man, that was awesome. Me Oh God. Me Oh God. Me I’m so proud. Grant Udun good.
Julia “She’s alive? So random.” Me “Yeah, what the actual fuck. I almost puked on her when she hugged me, I could not be more hungover.” Julia “Terrible all around.” Me “Standard. I’m still confused, though. Who visits William & Mary for any other reason besides to get laid by a swamp twamp?” Julia “Tranny working at...
Nathan “In other news, did you know that the lawyer for Sandusky is also a pedophile? He knocked up his 17 year old intern when he was 49.” Me “Who better to defend him.. How old do you wanna be when you knock up your first 17 year old?” Nathan “I’m hoping as old as possible so abortions will be super in-vogue thanks to the liberal media.” Me...
senior year thesis
Nishad “We’re listening to dubstep in Aesthetics to see what we can immediately grasp.” Me “The only thing I would immediately grasp is that I’m in dire need of 3,4-Methylenediozymethamphetamine.” Nishad “I don’t think that’s an aesthetic category. Should be, though.” Me “Unadulterated pleasure seems pretty aesthetic to...
Nathan “I feel like I had a pretty good summary at the end there.” Me “Ideal. Ideal. I’ll try to lose ten pounds by then.” Nathan “K, perfect. I’ll get started on a Viagra regimen tomorrow.” Me “We’re going places, dollface.” Nathan “The future is certainly looking bright.” . . Me “Nishad is actually so...
Me “This is awful.” Ben “Sweet Jesus.” Me “This is someone’s livelihood.” Ben “Shit’s wild. ..And by ‘wild’, I mean ‘shoot me’.” Me “What he lacks in looks, he makes up for in wallet.” Ben “The most unique attribute of all.” Me “I so intensely do not give a shit about...
we accept the love we think we deserve